As the increase of cremation continues to dominate the choices people have made for after they pass away, there has also been an increase in scattering ceremonies. There are many different ways to use the ashes of a loved one to demonstrate what they wanted or represented. In this post we will be taking a closer look at the scattering of ashes and the top places to do so. In the UK, scattering ashes is only allowed if you have the landowners approval. If you want to scatter in a river or the sea, there is no permission required. You will need to contact the Environmental Agency if you wish to scatter in a lake or river on the coast.

HILL TOPS & MOUNTAINS

The scattering of ashes on hill tops and mountains has grown in popularity due to their idyllic and peaceful settings. Cremation ashes are not toxic, but can have an effect on plant life around them, so it is best to not scatter on mountain peaks where plant life is already fragile. Also, due to their height, you may incur windy climates, so it’s best to scatter upwind to avoid ashes spreading frantically.

SPORTING VENUES

Another popular place to scatter ashes are sporting venues where your loved one may have been to or been a huge fan of the team that played there. You will need to gain permission from the sporting venues and your funeral director can help you do so, due to it’s popularity, a lot of sporting venues do accommodate for scattering ashes and will be welcoming.

RIVERS, STREAMS, SEAS, LAKES & OCEANS

Probably the most popular of all the places to scatter are water bodies, as usually you will not require any permission and there is something peaceful and beautiful about the unknown of the water that a lot of people desire to be a part of when they pass. The Environmental Agency does ask that you only spread the ashes of your loved one and not include the casket itself and other items of memorabilia belonging to your loved one as this can be harmful to sea life.

PRIVATE LAND

The last of our popular places to scatter ashes is private land. You may want to scatter the ashes in a garden or a field, which usually will hold some memory for and of your loved one. If you are spreading the ashes on your own private land there is no need to get any permission for this, however if you want to spread the ashes on private land that does not belong to you, you will legally require the landowners permission to do so. There are so many ways to commemorate your loved one through scattering ashes and even using the ashes in other ways, like putting them into jewellery or keeping the ashes close in your home.

Flowers are a great gesture to send when there has been a bereavement to friends or family. But which flowers are appropriate to send? We’re taking a closer look at sympathy flowers etiquette – what to send and when. Sympathy flowers have been one of the long standing traditions when there has been a loss to family and friends, whether you send them to the funeral or to the home of the bereaved, the gesture is always greatly received and appreciated. After a loss, it can be difficult to know what to say, sympathy flowers are a gesture that can soften that uncomfortable feeling and offers something as an alternative if you’re not sure what the right thing is to say. Flowers have been long known for their gesture of love and respect, but which ones are the right flowers to send? Lily’s are the most common sympathy flowers, symbolising purity and innocence. Closely followed by carnations in white, red and pink – carnations symbolise sympathy, respect, purity and remembrance. Some of the less common flowers are Gladioli that symbolise sincerity and moral integrity. Chrysanthemums are another flower that can be appropriate as in many European countries the flower symbolises death and only ever really used for funerals. Particularly white Chrysanthemums are symbolic of sadness and associated with the after life. So, now you know the flowers that are representative of the occasion, when should you send them? Flowers are mostly sent in the immediate instance of hearing of the passing, however even if you leave it for a few weeks, they will still be greatly appreciated as the influx in the immediate instance can actually be quite overwhelming. It is more common now to send the flowers to the home of the bereaved as opposed to the funeral, however many still do send to funerals at the request of family and friends. There is not right or wrong answer on where to send, but sending to the home signifies a more personal approach to the recipient. Now you have your flowers, and where to send them, what to say? Sympathy flowers only really require a small message, but if you do want to send something more personal and lengthy that is okay too. Many florist services are open to personalising the product as best suited, and should accommodate accordingly. If you’re not sure what to say, if anything at all, you could use a poem or quote that you would deem fitting if you’re at a loss for words on the bereavement. There is not really a right or wrong answer when it comes to an offering of condolence whether that be your personal presence or a simple delivery of sympathy flowers and a short message to offer your support to them and let them know that you are thinking of your friend or family at this difficult time. It is important for the person mourning to know that they have a support system around them, and a gesture like sympathy flowers will give your friends or family a sense of comfort and a feeling of being loved and cared about.

Something we are usually certain of before we die, is whether we would like to be buried or cremated. This is usually a very personal decision and something that should be respected by immediate family when you pass away. In more recent years, cremation has become a more popular choice, however in this post we will be exploring both options and how you can come to the decision that is right for you.

THE OBVIOUS…

The obvious difference between burial and cremation, is that with burial your body stays fully in tact, and with cremation, the body is incinerated and the remains become ashes that can be spread or kept as a sentiment. Both are traditionally done almost instantly after death, traditionally after a funeral or a service celebrating the life of a loved one who has passed.

ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT…

Most people in the modern day have a moral conscience towards the environment and the argument between cremation or burial being better than the other for the environment is completely torn. Some consider that a cremation emits a significant amount of pollutions in the air, enough to contribute to damage to the environment. On the other hand, people are quick to hit back at the lack of biodegradable materials used to make coffins that are put into the ground and the toxicity of embalming fluids.

RELIGION…

Views on cremation specifically can really vary amongst Christians, in particular. It was forbidden to get cremated by the Catholic Church, however the ban was lifted in the 1960s. Baptist and other fundamentalist Christian denominations as well as the Eastern Orthodox Church do not permit cremation, while the Methodist seventh day Adventist and Lutheran churches do. Cremation is required in some eastern religions including Hinduism and Buddhism. While Sikhs prefer cremation for cultural reasons, burial is not prohibited. Cremation is forbidden for Muslims. Making your decision should be something that is personal to you and something that is carefully considered. No matter what you choose, your family and friends will have two wonderful options for remembering you. With Thomas Brothers we will respect and help all we can to carry out your personal choice or assist close family members with making the right decision should the deceased not specify.

Choosing a funeral director can be a challenging task of its own when you lose a loved one. There are so many things to consider at this difficult time, you must find a funeral director who is on the same page as you when it comes to organising and the smooth running of a funeral. It is not a shopping task that is relished in, so it is important to be clear and concise on exactly what you are looking for. Thomas Brothers have some great tips for finding the right funeral director for you, all qualities we already possess…

CREDENTIALS…

Ensuring your funeral director has the appropriate credentials is essential to the protection of your customer experience. Your funeral director should be a member of The National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF) or National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD). A good funeral director will follow nationally approved regulations/protocol and these credentials are proof of their professionalism.

PERSONALITY…

No matter what you are looking for in the personality of your funeral directors, it’s important that it is appropriate to what you feel you need to connect with your funeral director and get the funeral planned properly. Traits of a funeral director you will want are organisation, empathy and experience that offers great support and advice.

WHAT DO THEY PROVIDE?

A good funeral director will cover all the essentials in a one off fee, instead of charging for many different prices for the many services needed. The reason a one off fee makes for a good funeral director is because it takes the stress out of working everything out and the worry of forgetting essentials that may be needed for the funeral. The last thing people need when planning a funeral and suffering a loss is slipping up on things. It’s important that a good funeral director understands what you need and offering appropriate services. Some things to consider in inclusion…

• Does the cost cover religious officials?
• Do you want basic or superior, or environmentally-friendly coffins?
• Do you want a funeral procession and additional limousines?
• Do you need payment upfront, and do they have payment plans?

THE PRICE IS RIGHT…

Making sure the price is right is again, very important. You may want to shop around if you’re frugal and feel that is within your capabilities at this difficult time. A good funeral director should be extremely clear on their fees, what they offer within those fees and what they can offer to you and your family at this difficult time that makes them better than the rest of their competitive market. Whether you get a recommendation from family and friends, or a good google search helps you to find suitable funeral directors, a good funeral director will make such a difference to so many areas of your grieving process. A good funeral director will go above and beyond to offer a service that takes the stress, worry and work out of a very difficult time, and that is an invaluable service that should always be a top priority. At Thomas Brothers we dedicate ourselves to taking as much stress and worry weighted on family and friends shoulders when they have lost a loved one. It is important to us to provide a service that is not only one to fondly remember, but one that provides an opportunity for family and friends to come together in peace to remember their loved one in a service that has been well thought out and taken care of.

Christmas is notoriously known as a joyful time of year full of celebration and happiness, but for some people Christmas is a time of year that they find difficult to cope with. We understand that dealing with the loss of a loved one, or the idea of spending Christmas alone can be daunting for so many, and unfortunately it is a reality for so many. We’re exploring the ways you can be at peace and cope with your grief this Christmas to the best of your ability. PLAN AHEAD Working out in advance how best to spend your Christmas in a way that will ultimately make you happy, will ease anxieties about the festive periods. Set yourself a plan of action for the festivities and do what you can to be prepared. Think about what your needs are and the needs of others sharing the loss of your loved one. SELF CARE Making your self care a priority is important during the erratic festive season. Make sure you give yourself time to think, time to relax and time to reflect. Taking on too much at this difficult time can cause implosion, and keeping busy all the time isn’t always the best way to deal with grief. Make sure you look after yourself, your mind and your body this festive season. SURROUND YOURSELF At times in the festive season you should make an effort to spend time with your loved ones, family and friends. This can be really therapeutic for you and realise that you are not alone in your grief for your loved one. There’s a good chance that the person that you have lost was loved by more than just you, so spending time with these people can really benefit you and allow you to open up about your feelings at this time of year. CELEBRATE The important thing to remember is that your loved one would not want you to spend Christmas feeling woeful and shutting yourself off from the world. When you make it to the end of the day at Christmas, realise that you have survived, you have gotten through something you weren’t sure that you could. Enjoy a drink, indulge but don’t use alcohol to numb pain. Celebrate your victory of getting through Christmas by treating yourself and those around you, you deserve it.

Sending sympathy flowers to the immediate family mourning a loss or as a gesture for the funeral service has been a strong British tradition for many years. However, as time has moved on there are many more different and unique sentiments you can send or provide to show your sympathy. Since flowers are such a popular choice, it might be a good idea to send something a little different instead of sending the 10th bouquet of flowers to the family. In this post we have rounded up some alternatives that leave lasting sentiment and a more unique offering. FOOD During this distressing time family and friends of the deceased may be finding it difficult to find time to look after themselves, especially with the stress of planning a funeral. Offering a home cooked meal to express your sympathy is a practical and thoughtful gesture, that will be greatly appreciated. You could also meal prep for family and friends to take a weight off their shoulders and ensure they are taking care of themselves by getting a hearty, nutritious meal. DONATIONS One of the most popular alternatives to sending flowers is raising money for a cause or charity that was close to the heart of the person you have lost. There are so many ways to raise money and JustGiving is a platform often used to achieve this. A charitable donation can go a long way compared to flowers. AN ENGRAVED GIFT Another popular alternative is a gift that has been engraved. This could be something as simple as jewellery or a memorial stone which a touching message on it. If you are close to the immediate family you may have a better idea of what kind of engraved gift would be suitable, but asking a close family member for inspiration would be a great idea to make sure your gift is appropriate. SOMETHING HANDWRITTEN  Handwritten letters and notes are an excellent sentimental alternative and can be a really thoughtful and touching gift to a person who is grieving. Remembering a loved one with a positive story or memory of them is a great way to show your appreciation for having them in you life. It can bring up fond memories for the immediate family and open a positive conversation in a really sad, negative situation. However you decide to express your sympathy, know that in such a difficult time for your friend or family, your gesture will be greatly appreciated. Offering support and expressing your love for the people in your life that are suffering with the loss of a loved one is important and is never taken for granted.

Dealing with grief is something everyone experiences at one stage of their life or more. There is no reason to feel ashamed or feel alone in this time and there are so many things you can do to express your grief, find new ways to cope and work on feeling better. TALK  Talking is such a powerful tool when it comes to dealing with grief, and is something we take for granted when we’re suffering. Whether you open up to family or friends, or feel like you need someone out of the box to speak to like a counsellor, it’s good to talk. There are so many support groups and specialist counsellors across the country that can help you to deal with your grief. WRITE Writing can be a really helpful way to express your emotion and grief during this difficult time. You could do this by sharing it as a blog, there are many blogs that focus on grieving and mental health, or you could write just for yourself. You can keep a diary of your thoughts and feelings, something that has been proven to be extremely popular and therapeutic when people are dealing with grief. LISTEN There are so many ways to deal with grief simply by just listening. There are so many opportunities to connect with yourself and everything that you are going through without saying anything at all. You could listen to family and friends stories about your lost loved one, which can be endearing and a great healing method. Other ways to listen, are by listening to podcasts that specifically deal with topics like grieving. Podcasts offer information, experience and advice that you could really resonate with in the period time that you are grieving and can be a really positive way to deal with your grief. A few podcasts worth listening to are ‘The Airing of Grief’ and ‘Where’s The Grief?’ MEDITATION A more modern way to deal with grief that seems to be becoming extremely popular, is using meditation. There are so many apps on your smartphones and tablets that can offer beginner meditation that you could really find very useful in your times of need. Meditation allows you to channel your energy better and focus on self importance and self care, something that can be at a loss when somebody is grieving.

Our cultures and society are ever changing, even the way we celebrate and mourn are affected. Funerals have changed significantly from what they were 50 to 100 years ago, and will continue to change and adapt as the human race evolves and society develops. Personalisation in any way shape or form seems to be a common theme in modern funerals and shines a light on the importance of planning ahead when thinking about your wishes when you pass away. We are looking at some of the personal touches you may find at a modern funeral. PETS ALLOWED We are more attached to our pets than ever, and in modern society we see our pets as part of the family. Now, if you’re a pet owner, you can have your pet at your funeral in some service providers. RAINBOW IS THE NEW BLACK  Gone are the days where funerals are a sea of black, a really popular request from funeral attendees is that they wear colour instead of morbid black. As well as colour, football shirts seem to be extremely popular too, and even fancy dress! FLORAL CREATIVITY Instead of the standard floral arrangements, people are opting for arrangements designed into their loved ones favourite things. From football crests to bingo cards, the possibilities are endless when it comes to personalising your loved ones floral arrangements. MODERN MUSIC Music at funerals has evolved from the traditional hymns and prayers, in favour of a more modern approach with readings and modern music that your loved one may have loved themselves or is a reflection of their personality.

First and foremost we must acknowledge that there are no right and wrong ways to express your grief when losing a loved one. However, we also must acknowledge that there are many people who struggle to deal with their grief and instead of expressing it, push it deep down inside themselves, causing potential long terms issue and in some cases, a difficulty to accept what was happened. We are sharing a few tips you can use to help express your grief at a time where you may be finding it difficult to do so… UTILISE YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK Family & friends can play a massive part in helping you to express your grief, and can offer support when you need it. Having people around you that you feel close to and feel comfortable around will help when needing to grieve and for some having those people around to advise and communicate with, can help them to open up and connect with their feelings. WRITE Many people have found it extremely therapeutic to write to express their grief. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be easier than voicing them and is a great release for getting out everything you have inside you when grieving. Whether you write a diary, a blog, an email, you can keep it just for your own reflection or share with your family or with others in a similar position as you. PROFESSIONAL ASSISTANCE If you are struggling with expressing your grief and don’t find that communicating with family and friends is helping, there are therapists and counsellors who can help you express your grief and connect with your feelings. There is no shame in seeking professional help and is actually one of the most common resources utilised in the months after the death of a loved one. There are many organisations and charities that specialise in helping with the loss of a loved one, with great resources and access to people that can help at this difficult time. MEDITATE Meditation’s ability to help with grieving is extremely overlooked and shouldn’t be taken lightly for how powerful it can be in helping people in difficult times. Meditation has been most recently connected with it’s abilities to successfully help those suffering with anxiety and depression, and some people have even claimed to be cured of their struggles with the help of meditation. When it comes to grieving, meditating can help you to focus and connect with your feelings that tie into your current experience with grief. It can really help to unlock thoughts you may have pushed away or down deep. However you decide to grieve is total up to you and your journey with grief is a personal experience that you are entitled to explore. Engaging with your feelings and thoughts on the death of a loved one can help to heal, but it is important to recognise that giving yourself time and being patient with yourself is the key to grieving.

After a cremation, there are so many possibilities when it comes to finding something to do with the ashes. There are mixed emotions about whether to keep a loved ones ashes close to you, or to ‘set them free’ by scattering them. Either way, we are sharing five popular places to scatter ashes that may inspire a decision for you and your loved ones at this difficult time. THE SEA  A popular choice is scattering ashes into the sea. If you were originally considering a sea burial, this can be an inexpensive alternative if your budget is tighter than expected. Scattering ashes into the sea is relatively simple and doesn’t require a license. But, it is ideal to be considerate of other users on the beach and swimmers by finding a quieter spot on the beach to release them. You could also hire a boat which could be beneficial when scattering ashes in the sea and allows you to have a more secluded, private moment. PRIVATE PLACE Another popular choice is on private land, such as, their home or the family home, as a way of having them always around. The only thing to consider about spreading the ashes on private property is weighing up the likeliness of selling the land or home. If this isn’t likely, personal property is a fantastic place to scatter the ashes of a loved one. LOCAL BEAUTY SPOT Beauty spots are a popular place to scatter ashes as it resonates beauty within our loved one, leaving them somewhere as beautiful as they were. You may need a license, and due to their popularity you may find that you won’t have exclusivity of the beauty spot, both things to consider when scattering ashes. VARIOUS FAVOURITE PLACES You could decide to scatter your loved ones in a multitude of places instead of just one. If they had a lot of places they liked to go or have a specific places that was memorable in their life for example: a football club if they loved a specific team. With this considered, again, remember you will need a license to scatter ashes in some of these public places. TAKE IT INTERNATIONAL  Some people had a favourite country or they may have been born in another country, they may even had a place they were dreaming of going to, but never got the chance. A common choice is hopping on a plane to spread ashes overseas. Be sure to contact your airline before you take your loved one’s on their final trip, to make sure they can accommodate your wishes. There are many options to consider when it comes to cremation and it is the opportunity to give your loved one a final goodbye and see out a final wish that may have been made by your loved one. Whatever you choose, it is wise to research and ensure you are within your rights to scatter ashes in particular places.