When coping with the loss of a loved one, it can be hard to ‘get back to normal.’

After the funeral, life goes on – The sun keeps rising and setting, the world around us keeps turning, and we have to learn how to move on with our lives. It can be very hard sometimes. 

Preparing Yourself for Coping with Grief 

Help prepare for these times of grief by creating a list of comforting or distracting activities. This is not a suggestion to run away from your feelings of hurt, sadness, and loneliness, it’s important to feel those feelings. However, when you feel you are starting to be swallowed by them and you can’t function, it is important to find healthy ways to help bring yourself back to feeling better in the present moment. 

Allow time for grieving, however when feelings of grief or anxiety start to come up outside of your grieving time, turn to your list of comforting activities to begin to comfort yourself. Here are some ideas to use or help you think of your own. 

• Go for a walk.
• Write down things that you are thankful for (a gratitude list).
• Make your favourite meal. 
• Spend time with a pet, or get a pet. They can be incredibly comforting. 
• Do a random act of kindness for someone you know or for a stranger. 
• Listen to some soothing or uplifting music or watch your favourite movie or TV show. 
• Reach out to call or email someone who makes you feel happy or can comfort you. 
• Donate money or things to a charity in the name of your loved one. 
• Meditate or stop and just be still. Breath deeply. 
• If you feel troubled, give yourself permission to feel ok with feeling troubled. 
• Read a book or article you’ve been meaning to read. 
• Make plans for things you will look forward to doing. 
• Think about the future. 
• Learn breathing exercises to help you feel calm or accepting of your sadness.
• Forgive someone or something that is long over due. 
• Create a list of your best qualities and why people like having you in their lives.
• Do something creative. 
• Take a long soothing bath or shower. 
• Pamper yourself by doing or buying something you normally wouldn’t do.
• Enjoy a soothing hot drink.  

Professional Support for Coping with Grief

If you find yourself needing or wanting more help, make arrangements to do get the professional help you need. Grief Counsellors are listed online or in the telephone book. 

Your mental health is very important. Look around in community for churches and support groups, or therapists that specialise in grief. Your loved one who has passed would likely want you to be happy, as well as those family, friends, neighbours and pets who are still in your life. 

If you find yourself completely alone reach out to local services to connect with people in a similar position. 

Coping with the death of a loved one can be incredibly challenging – Add children into the picture and funerals become even more complicated. 

However, this can be a special time between adults and children. The natural choice would be that parents explain the funeral to their children, however, other adults can also provide excellent support and perspective for a child. 

Give Children a Choice to Attend A Funeral

 If a child doesn’t want to go, their decision should be respected. This is a good time to ask questions and understand the reasons why the child does not want to attend. Are they scared about what happens at a funeral? Do they understand what happens? Do they have questions about death? 

If a child wants to go the funeral, describe the purpose of a funeral and what is going to happen so the child is prepared as well as possible for what they will see and hear. Make arrangements with a trusted adult in case the child decides they want to leave at any point during the service. 

Describing a Funeral to a Child

Explain the funeral process to children step by step. Tell them about what they might see and how other people might react. Let them know that crying, and not crying, is natural and ok. 

If there will be an open casket, explain what the body will look like. The explanation could sound like, “Susan will be lying in a wooden box that is called a casket. She will be dressed in her clothes, her eyes will be closed, and she will look like she is sleeping. However, her chest won’t be moving and her body will be cold because she has died.” 

Involve Children in the Funeral Planning

Depending on the situation, involving a child in part of the planning of a funeral can provide them with an outlet for their grief, provide support, and offer them their own way to say goodbye to their loved one.  

Ask children if they would like to give something to the deceased that will be buried in the casket.  This may be comforting for children to do and offer more closure for the situation.  

Explaining Burial and Cremation to Children

 As with explaining the funeral to children, talking to them about what happens with the burial and cremation is also important. This will ensure children don’t create their own fantasies about what happens after the funeral. 

Children may have a hard time understanding the cremation process. It is important they know that a dead body doesn’t feel anything so the person won’t be in pain.

Talking with children about death can be a sensitive topic depending on the child’s mood or level of understanding. Either way, keep the conversation going so children grow up with a healthy understanding of death. 

When it comes to saying goodbye to your loved one, floods of memories often come to mind – This is a time to celebrate the good times and memories that you’ve been able to share with this person.

We found some really amazing, very special ideas that people have done and made in celebration of the lives of the amazing people they’re saying goodbye to.

Here are just a few of the best ideas we’ve come across. We hope that these give you some inspiration for ways to commemorate together, with friends and family, the life of your loved one.

Memory Table and Photo Display

This table or table can be filled with little trinkets and goodies from the person’s life – Little pieces of memories, which can be placed either altogether in a beautiful menagerie of memories or in different chapters in their life.

The same can be done with photos, which can either be set up on the table together with the goodies or hung up in creative ways or on a memory board. The possibilities are endless here and can really be a beautiful representation of a beautiful life. This can also be combined with quotes, jokes or sayings that signify the person and can be written out by people attending the funeral and placed amongst the other items on this table or on the memory board.

Lighting Candles

This is a very special tradition symbolizing the soul moving on from this life, but not in friends and family members’ memories. A lovely idea for taking this further – If there were any particular fragrance memories that can be associated with that particular person (for example, granny loved lavender) fragranced oils can be added to the burning candles in memory of her.

Memorial Stones or Tree

One can set aside a jar with smooth light grey stones and permanent markers for people to write special messages or memories honouring the deceased. These can then be collected by the family and either kept in the jar somewhere special, put in the garden or scattered somewhere meaningful to the deceased. This is a great way for everyone to feel like they’re saying their final farewells to the person they’re gathered to say goodbye to. 

 A similar idea can be done by creating a memory tree. Pieces of card and different pens can be displayed next to a simply decorated branch, set up in a base as a tree. Friends and family can write their memories, farewells, messages etc. on these pieces of card and attached to the ‘tree’ with different coloured ribbons and twine, depending on the look you’re going for. This can then be taken home by the family as a happy memory “tree” of their loved one.

Favourite song

If the deceased person had a favourite song, it’s very special to play this special song sometime during the proceedings. So many memories are caught up in music and the good times can be celebrated in reliving these happy memories.

Kids at the funeral? 

Kids have incredible imaginations and instead of keeping them busy, involve them in celebrating the loved ones’ life.  A good way of doing this is setting up a colouring table where the kids can draw their best memories spent with the deceased person. This is a great way for kids to express their feelings, but these are also wonderful keepsakes for the family after the funeral. Some adults may join them!

Celebrate Their Life With Their Favourite Foods

And last but not least, if your loved one had a particular favourite food or beverage, offer the favourite food e.g. pizzas and Stella Artois beers or champagne and cupcakes, instead of the usual tea and sandwiches. I know one family that had a barbecue in celebration of their dad’s life.

The more engaged the family and friends are in the funeral service, the more easily they can begin their healing journey from a positive perspective.

We’re here to help you through this difficult time, from logistics, to referring you to recommended grief counselors – the motto we serve by is ‘Our family taking care of yours’.   

For help with all arrangements for your loved one’s send off, take a look at https://www.thomasbrothers.co.uk and feel free to contact us should you have any additional questions.

Death of a loved one is a sad and scary thought and it is not something we like to dwell on. However, it helps to be prepared both mentally and organisationally for such a time. 

Death comes when we least expect it and it helps to have a reference on what to do. At Thomas Brothers we are funeral directors. We’ve experienced death of loved ones ourselves and we invite you to let our family take care of yours during this difficult time. 

Here is an outline of what to do if someone dies; be this at home, in a retirement or nursing home, in hospital or elsewhere.

• If at home, contact your doctor or doctor on call who will come to your home to certify the death and issue a Notification of death, which must later be given to the registrars. After the doctor has attended, you can call our chapel of rest straightaway, regardless if it is, day or night, to come and collect your loved one.
• If your loved one has already been residing at a nursing or residential home, it is likely that the senior in charge, with your permission, has already arranged the doctor’s attendance and for your loved one to be conveyed to our chapel of rest. They can inform you where you can obtain the Notification of Death. 
• If your loved one has died in hospital, you can apply to the hospital for the Notification of Death and not the family doctor. In a situation where your loved one’s passing has been reported to a Coroner, this person will work in your best interest and will send the Medical Certificate of Death directly to the Registrar’s Office in the district where your loved one has died. You will need to have contacted the Coroner’s office first.

 What To Do When a Loved One Dies – Thomas Brothers Can Help! 

At our Thomas Brothers chapel of rest, we are fully versed on all undertaking procedures, funeral arrangements, burial or cremation and memorial services. 

 Our funeral director family is available 24 hours a day to attend to your family’s wishes and can advise on all considerations, including funeral costs, floral, audio visual and musical tributes, grave and head stones, horse-drawn carriages and motorised hearses and makes and styles of coffins.

Despite a loved one no longer being with you in person, it is fitting to celebrate their lives. As funeral directors, we sometimes call them the funeral celebrant. They may not have asked for a wake with merry making, but we can honour them in a manner fitting to them. If your loved one was close to nature and your family would like to honour them in like manner, our funeral family is well prepared for green and eco-friendly funeral services. 

If burial is preferred over cremation, we have a selection of natural wood coffins to choose from. Not all families have the means or the desire for extra trimmings, tailored coffins and monumental masonry, although we do provide these. We can help best meet your and your loved one’s wishes within the budget you have prepared.

Our aim is to compassionately remove the funeral arranging burden from the bereaved family during what is already a traumatic time. Thomas Brothers’ funeral directors takes care of deceased relatives as though that person were one of our own. We ensure that whatever your circumstances, our family will give your family member or loved one, the best care and attention.

Thomas Brothers directs funerals across a diverse range of nationalities and religious (and non-religious) beliefs. We believe we have knowledge of the various funeral and internment rituals required regardless of what these are. Our funeral direction family pays particular attention to the detail at every moment of the funeral process. This includes the conveyance of your loved one’s body to our chapel of rest, the memorial ceremony arrangements, and internment or cremation of the body. We also offer a broad range of options for floral tributes, catering, orders of service, head stones, obituaries, and charitable donations in memory of your deceased loved one.

Many family members who have a religious or humanistic funeral ceremony are offered our service of carrying the casket on our shoulders both into and out of the church, or place of choice for non-religious families, as this reflects our reverence and respect for your deceased family member and also honours past traditions. 

Last, but certainly not least, as your loved one continues to live on in your memory, you and your remaining loved ones may need help working through the powerful emotions of losing a loved one. We often find that bereavement counselling support is invaluable. Thomas Brothers can assist your family’s search in finding just the right person or organisation to help you through this sad and difficult time. They can help you let go of strong emotions, but also fondly remember and assimilate fond memories of your deceased loved one into your lives.

You need not go through the aftershock of losing a loved one on your own. We are here to help you all hours of the day or night.